I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
