Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
