yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
