I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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