Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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