I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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