Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
