my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
