I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
