I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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