I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
