At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
