So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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