So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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