a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
