Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
