Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
