Sponge bath it is.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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