You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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