he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize