Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
