hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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