She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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