By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
