I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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