Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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