Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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