remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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