why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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