I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
