When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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