Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
