i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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