Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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