i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
