she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
