R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
