those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
