I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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