i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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