Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
