hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize