I'm gonna have a badass scar
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think we might need a safe word for this...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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