I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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