Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize