I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
