You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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