I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
