The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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