watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
