I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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