You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
