you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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