so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
