five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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