He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I could make wine with my vomit
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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