Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
