just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
