Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
