you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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