I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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