so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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