I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
