you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
