new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
