final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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