I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize