Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Of course I have a pirate flag
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
