And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
