laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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