Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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