That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
