K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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