I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize