We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
