oh god the rape fog is back!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
