My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
