I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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