And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize