So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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