Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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