I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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