I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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