can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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