I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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