New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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