I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
