Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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