The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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