how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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