Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
