you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
