im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
