So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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