she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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