Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
