I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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