If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
