I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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