I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize